Ever Been Corrected by Your Kid...and Needed It?

I have, this morning.

I figure if I'm going to try to share things on this blog, I want to be honest and real. Otherwise, what's the point.

So yesterday, I posted this message about how the only way to be sure that we truly are making a difference in people's lives is by walking close with God. And the most important things we can do each day are the things God wants us to do.

Which is all true, but...

Here I was this morning, looking to see how many people had read/visited my blog. And thankfully, I have a son who is honest and bold enough to tell me this:

"Why do you even care how many people read your blog or not? It seems like this blog (and facebook) is all about you. Isn't that pride? Do you think God cares how many people read your blog? Even if one person reads it, shouldn't you be glad?"

Ouch, ouch and ouch again.  

By the way, he did not say these things in a disrespectful manner. In fact, he was a little bit afraid that he might get in trouble. I am so grateful he had the guts to be honest with me. This was a rebuke that I needed, and I'm thankful God used my son to get my attention.

So since it's confession time, I just want to say that even though I am convinced that what I shared in yesterday's blog is absolutely true, as you know very well, I am not very good at living that out. I had my own priorities out of order by looking to see who read what I wrote...as if that's even an indication of anyone's lives truly being affected.  

My focus was on myself, like my son pointed out. And I have told the Lord I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry to you all as well. Thanks for letting me be honest and open with you and for extending grace to me.

I think the thing I want to really work on right now is something I've been struggling with for about the past year and a half. Prior to that, I had gone through some more difficult seasons in which I was clinging to the Lord, desperate for Him to get me through the day. Then relief came, but I found that I let my time with the Lord get lower and lower on the priority list. It's funny how the easier life gets, the harder it is to see how much we need God. But whether we realize it or not, we need Him desperately, I need Him desperately.

Okay, I'm gonna go now. There are some other things I should be doing. Thanks for putting up with me. :-)

-Rachel :-)

How to Know You're Making a Difference

I just got onto facebook about a month ago.  No, I did not know what I was getting myself into.  Yes, it is addictive. And now I am trying to do the facebook thing in moderation...whatever that means. No, I really am.

I like facebook. I like knowing what interests people. I like the community that is there. I like the encouraging words people write. And even though some may feel like they see more pictures of other people's kids than they ever even took of their own, I even like the pictures. I like it when people post Scripture, hilarious video clips, interesting facts, and I'm even one who likes to take those quizzes, like the "What TV Mom Are You?" (I definitely question the accuracy though...Claire Huxtable runs circles around me as a mom).

I wonder if frequently using the word "like" is a sign of too much facebook?  Oh well, I'm just glad I have friends like you to share with who are too nice to comment.

But something has struck me in this whole facebook addiction adventure: we all want to make a difference in the lives of others. Isn't that true? We all want to have a voice. We all have something to say and we don't just want to be heard, we want our words to affect others. We want to make a difference.

Now I know not everything on facebook is meant to change people's lives. Sometimes it's just a way to share something funny or cute pics of the grandkids. But I really believe that behind many of the inspirational quotes and "food for thought" kind of things, there is a very real desire within us to impact one another. We want what we share to somehow either help, inform, encourage, inspire, or challenge people so that their lives are affected, even in some small way, for the better.

I've even felt this in my recent attempts at starting a blog. I do desire to encourage others, as the title implies, but how does that really happen? How do we really impact people's lives? Do we really know? And if we're going to make a positive difference, don't we want it be something that will matter for eternity, not just this life?

You know what kind of hit me, we don't really know how to truly make a difference, nor do we have the
power within ourselves to do so. I could write a blog, you could write a book, he could write songs, she could create art, we could all do a thousand different things to try to impact those around us, but in reality, these things could have little or no lasting effect in this life or eternity.

At the same time, we could do the smallest act, some "little" thing as an act of obedience to God, and find out later that God used it in ways we never could have dreamed. Who would have thought that the widow who gave her two small coins would be the most effective fund raiser in the history of the church! Whenever people are asked to give toward important needs of the church, it's her story they share. Still to this very day, that lady is impacting the world for good!

We don't know what steps of faith and acts of obedience will be the "little things" that God wants to use in big ways. But there is one way we can be sure that we don't miss those opportunities when they come:

by walking closely with God.

If we are constantly walking by faith, trusting Him and obeying Him and listening to the Holy Spirit as He leads us, we won't miss these opportunities to impact those around us. This is the only way that I know of where we can be certain that our lives will make a positive impact for both now and eternity.

As long as we are doing what God asks us to do, it is the most important thing we could do in that moment.

If we want to make a difference in the world, if we want to know that everything we do has significance, then we must walk closely to the One who knows what matters most. If He asks you to do something, then THAT is the most significant thing you could be doing. God never gets priorities out of order. He always has the highest priorities in mind. He knows what He is doing, how He is working out His glorious plans. And whatever threads we have in that enormous tapestry that He is weaving together, those are the most significant things we could ever do in this life.

So, today, whatever God asks you to do, do it. And know that whether or not we ever get to see how God uses it, we can have the quiet confidence of knowing that if our sovereign, all-knowing, only wise God has asked us to do it, then nothing could be more important.

-Rachel :-)

Marriage doesn't look like a Chick Flick

I definitely married out of my league.  I pretty much fell for Kyle the moment we met my freshman year of college.  He introduced himself to me (and my friends) and invited us to come to FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes).  I think my thoughts must have been something like, "Yeah, I'll come!!!"

Well, I did.  And I got to become friends with that extremely handsome, outgoing, hilarious, talented, confident but not arrogant guy named Kyle Williams. I kept hoping it would turn into "more than friends" but that was still pretty much just a dream. That summer, I remember meeting other guys but Kyle had raised the bar so high, no one else could even compare. We both returned to school that fall, but still we were just friends. At some point I realized that it wasn't healthy for me to keep liking someone who didn't feel the same way about me. So I determined I would stop liking him. That lasted about a week. 

Kyle and me on our first date...we went out to dinner and
then Toys R Us (sounds like what we do now for fun)

If any young ladies are reading this out there, I just want to say, "Dreams do come true! The proof: Kyle asked me out on a date that December!" This same girl who couldn't even hold it together to eat a bowl of cereal in the same cafeteria with this guy (I would literally be shaking because I was so crazy about Kyle and so afraid that he would see right through me if he looked me in the eyes) was now about to go on a DATE with him!

Truly, it was a dream come true!  The first date led to many more and eventually an engagement ring about a year later and wedding vows about a year after that. I guess you could say it was a fairy-tale beginning.

My College Sweetheart!

Now, I like a good love story just as much as anyone. I like chick flicks and Disney movies, and I'm even a sucker for those Hallmark Channel movies that my husband likes to makes fun of (I don't care that the plot line is totally predictable, I still like them!).  And what makes me mad is when a movie has a sad ending, like in Mrs. Doubtfire...I didn't just want him to come visit the kids, I wanted them to get back together!  

But what happens sometimes is that these "happily ever after" movies end up creating an unrealistic view of what marriage should look like. It's a lot different in real life. It's not something you can fit into a 3 hour time slot with an hour and a half of commercials.

Last weekend, my dad did the wedding for my dear sweet cousin who had been one of the flower girls in our wedding (am I getting old?). Anyway, it was a charge to the bride and groom but really we all needed to hear it. He shared from a book called "The Meaning of Marriage" where the author, Tim Keller, gives an open, honest look into the real picture of marriage. He writes:

"I'm tired of listening to sentimental talks on marriage. At weddings, in church, and in Sunday School, much of what I've heard on the subject has as much depth as a Hallmark card. While marriage is many things, it is anything but sentimental. Marriage is glorious but hard. It's burning joy and strength, and yet it is also blood, sweat, and tears, humbling defeats and exhausting victories. No marriage I know more than a few weeks old could be described as a fairy tale come true. Therefore, it is not surprising that the only phrase in Paul's famous discourse on marriage in Ephesians 5 that many couples can relate to is verse 32. Sometimes you fall into bed, after a long hard day of trying to understand each other, and you can only sigh: 'This is all a profound mystery!'

Just to clarify, this is not meant to dog on Hallmark, I'm actually a big fan.

I think what Keller is trying to convey is that marriage lived out in the day-to-day workings is more about acts of the will rather than a sentimental journey. We had a fairy-tale start, but we've had a real marriage just like everyone else. Sometimes it's been really fun and wonderful, at other times it's been brutally hard (probably more for Kyle than me), and needless to say, it's brought out the best and worst of both of us.

But by God's grace, we're still here, working on our 14th year of marriage.  I say "working" because it takes physical and emotional fortitude to make this work.  You can't just go on what you feel.  Tim Keller also writes:

“In any relationship, there will be frightening spells in which your feelings of love dry up. And when that happens you must remember that the essence of marriage is that it is a covenant, a commitment, a promise of future love. So what do you do? You do the acts of love, despite your lack of feeling. You may not feel tender, sympathetic, and eager to please, but in your actions you must BE tender, understanding, forgiving and helpful. And, if you do that, as time goes on you will not only get through the dry spells, but they will become less frequent and deep, and you will become more constant in your feelings. This is what can happen if you decide to love.” 

Father's Day is this Sunday. I don't know how you feel about your man right now. Maybe you're at a place where you really are overwhelmed with admiration and respect, and honoring him on this special day is going to come very naturally. Or maybe that's not where you're at. Maybe it's been a rough year. Maybe there's been a lot of stress and issues that haven't been resolved.  Maybe you don't feel like helping the kids make something special for Daddy right now.

If you're not quite feelin' the love at this moment, I just want to encourage you to ask God for the strength to do those acts of love, kindness and respect for your husband even right now. Doing what you don't feel like doing is what our marriage vows are really all about, commitment in spite of our feelings...actually, that's really what the best love stories are made of.

One way you can do something is to honor your husband this Father's Day. Sometimes just a card with a sentence or two of encouragement can go a long way:

I respect you because __________________________________________.

I appreciate the way you __________________________________________.

I know there are tons of other fun, creative ideas out there to do for Father's Day, but I also know sometimes we get so busy that we forget to even buy a card.

This is my heads up, too.  I need to go buy mine.  :-)

-Rachel

Enjoy them while they're young...and older

If you have young kids, you know these words by heart. I bet you've even heard them in the past month, or even the past week. Somewhere, someone has said to you: "Enjoy them while they're young because they grow up fast." It could have been a stranger or relative or maybe someone at church or the grocery store, but I am pretty sure you just heard this somewhere.

But why do so many different people echo this same message time and time again?  I don't get the feeling that it's just something people say, like "we needed this rain" or "How 'bout them Chiefs?".  No, it seems to me that these words are coming from some place deeper...like it's really their words.

I think one reason we hear this so often is because it's true...they do grow up fast. From the moment our children come into this world, a scientific phenomenon occurs:  the years get shorter. That same 365 day cycle that felt like an eternity when we were kids (especially if Christmas was still several months away) now just flies by. Just go to someone's graduation open house that you haven't seen in a long time and you'll really feel it..."Wasn't he just a little boy a few years ago???  Wasn't she a flower girl in so and so's wedding not that long ago?"  

And because of this, we have to guard ourselves from just rushing through these years, trying to get to the next "easier" season. The Bible tells us to number our days that we might gain a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12). I'm really guilty of not doing this. I often treat my days as though they're an endless supply, when in reality, they're a small batch...and once they're gone, they're gone.

Maybe that's why people so often give the same advice...because we need to be reminded how brief this time is. Honestly, on some days we really do enjoy this season. But these same years that are filled with indescribable joy and moments that feel like glimpses of heaven, are also some of the most exhausting and physically demanding. Things like sleep deprivation, noise everywhere, toys everywhere, incessant cleaning, refereeing, runny noses, worrying about RSV, trying to make ends meet, etc. etc. make it just a tad bit challenging to truly "enjoy" this time. Sometimes we don't enjoy the moments. Sometimes we're just trying to survive the moments.

I'm one of these people who really wants to get things right the first time. I hate the word "regret". As you can imagine, parenthood has been a real emotional breeze for me.  Yeah. We hadn't even left the hospital with our firstborn son and I was already fighting the big "R" word. I still remember obsessing over a "very small but at the time seemed like the end of the world" decision. So there I was, in our hospital room, second-guessing and, I hate to even say it, "r.......ing" this thing which now I realize did not even matter at all. And that was just the beginning.

My point in all this is that whether or not you have perfectionist issues like I do, we want to get this mom thing right the first time. We really do want to take their advice and enjoy this special season of life when our kids are young. But I think in order to do this, we need to have realistic expectations and goals.

First off, no one, no matter what their circumstances are, lives every moment in a state of peaceful, reflective joy. That's just not realistic. 

At the same time, we can make strides in the right direction. Don't let those mommy-guilt thoughts keep you from pressing toward the goal. No one gets it perfect. No one does it all right on the first try. If you want proof, just think of how many people give this advice and how they probably wish they would have enjoyed these years more, which is why they're telling us to.  

We'll never get to a place where we always have the right perspective and appreciate

and enjoy every single moment, but we can choose to find joy in our circumstances and intentionally slow down enough to take in those smiles and hugs more. Right now, they're an everyday thing, but it won't always be that way. They won't always have a picture to show us that they just colored, or a Lego Star Wars scene they just built. There will come a day when there won't be invitations to tea parties from our daughters and we'll have to say goodbye to singing Disney karaoke songs (okay, except for that...I still do that).

And even when this season of life passes, life doesn't end. Truly these years are very special...full of wonder, newness, funny little things they say, tucking them in bed with a hundred stuffed animals...this season is unlike any other, and I want to take it all in. But soon, another season will start. Our sons might not be showing us wooden train tracks they built, but we'll get to enjoy other things like watching them play guitar in a band or cheering them on as they score the winning goal. And we might not be braiding dolls' hair, but we'll be fixing our daughters' hair and taking them shopping for new clothes. I want to enjoy this season, but I also want to enjoy the next season every bit as much as this present one. And even when our little ones become adults with families of their own, I want to enjoy that...I want to enjoy them in that season.

So enjoy the seasons, and enjoy today. Let's number our days together!

-Rachel :-)

About this blog...

I really do like to try new recipes (as long as someone else does the cooking) and I want to eat healthier and exercise regularly...I want to.  I've even done some diy projects in the house, mostly experimental projects that happened to work out...not the kind of things you can easily reproduce (besides that, I'm not a real detail-oriented person so those step-by-step tutorials just sound burdensome).

And, really, as much as I like (and pin) those cute ideas that are so inspiring, what I really need at the end of the day is something that spurs me on to be the person God has called me to be. Sometimes the very things meant to inspire me end up making me feel like I'm "less than" other moms.  After all, those other moms get all their chores done, enjoy being a mom with the wisdom and grace of a grandma, and on top of that, they even have time to make little pilgrim hat cookies for Thanksgiving and paintchip Easter egg garland in the spring. Sheesh!

Please know, I love being a wife and a mom. I love getting to watch each of our children's different personalities and sharing this journey with the most amazing (and entertaining) husband I could ever imagine. But sometimes the days feel long and they're not always picture-post worthy. Sometimes this role of being a mom is......hard, stinkin' hard (and yes, stinkin' is the right word, especially if your child is yet to be potty-trained...amen?)  Maybe it's because we want so desperately to do this thing well. And that's not easy. It requires supernatural help.      

We need God to give us the energy, the wisdom, the creativity, the strength to do this!

My hope is that "Just Encourage Me" will be a place where you can find encouragement. Sometimes encouragement comes from being understood...the realization that "I'm not alone".  Other times we're encouraged by something that inspires us and it moves us toward a goal, toward something great.  And still there are times when we realize how difficult someone else's circumstances are and it gives us a whole new perspective on our own.  This blog will be a mix of all that and more.

God's Word is full of promises and encouragement for us, whatever our circumstances are. He is the Ultimate Encourager.  He's the only One who knows exactly where we're at, what we need and how to give us what we need. I can't do that, but He can. I am depending on the Holy Spirit to guide me, and my hope and prayer is that somehow this could be a place that God uses to encourage you right where you are.  Whatever He has called you to do and wherever He takes you in this life, may you draw close to Him and allow Him to gently lead you all along the way. 

Thank you so much for coming here.  I hope we get to share much more on this journey together.  May you feel God's loving arms around you today, whatever your circumstances are.

-Rachel :-)

"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young."  Isaiah 40:11